Awake

Why am I awake at 3:00am? Snuggles woke me at 1:30. Hubby was annoyingly snoring. I took Snuggles outside, she went potty and then back to bed. As she fell right to sleep again, I tried to get comfortable. Hubby continued to snore so there was no chance of sleeping. I lay there, eyes wide open, unable to get comfortable. My mind began to wander, too many thoughts crashing together to make much sense. I began to feel agitated. I started thinking about my chairs in Rotary, trying to decide to keep them or not. The more thoughts continued to crash together the more this writing entered my mind. I got up, turned on the computer, checked Facebook, said some Happy Birthdays, and posted this question, "Why am I awake?". It was time to write this down. The blog opened, a new post started and I am writing this down. As I am typing I am getting tired. Could I actually fall asleep? Will I be able to get comfortable enough to dream? I will end this and see.

Dream 01-15-12

I tossed and turned trying to get comfortable, burying my head, thinking of someone I had not heard from and missed. I woke in a strange room, not my own. Light was filling the room unlike the one I was just in. One wall baby blue, another faded orange. All the walls were completely empty like a work in progress. I was in a bed with no head or foot board but covered in the same blankets. I closed my eyes again with the same thought.

With my eyes closed I could see and hear crackling and images trying to come in and out like a bad or unavailable station on a television. Images were beginning to appear, black and white at first then turning to color. There were grey faces with gleaming blue eyes. I could hear wolves howling and then they appeared at first one then many. I woke to the largest of them all standing next to the bed but was not scared. The wolf was becoming a man and he was beautiful. Something must have happened, do not know what because when I woke I was lying next to him with my head on his chest, my arm over his stomach, my knee on top of his, his arm holding me close. I did not know who he was but it was comfortable, familiar somehow. I wondered if he was real or if I was dreaming. I thought to myself, “If I am dreaming I must look funny in the position I am in, holding someone that is not here”. My thought was confirmed when people came walking in the room, looked in my direction and said nothing to me. I appeared to be sleeping. I thought, “Do they not see him?” I smiled, closed my eyes, and pulled him closer.

I woke in the same blue and orange room this time alone. I lay on my back staring at the ceiling with that now old thought of the one I have been missing. I closed my eyes to sleep and dream. I began to feel myself being lifted and I could see I was heading towards the window and knew I was beginning my dream travel. The more I thought of him the further I was being lifted, the closer to the window I got, suddenly I stopped. I realized I got distracted. I closed my eyes then began moving out the window. I was being pulled in a direction that felt like miles. I left in daylight, before I knew it the night had come, it was dark. I could see neighborhood lights beneath me. Where was I going? Could I have been going to the one I had been thinking of? The more I thought about him the faster I went, almost too fast. I had been attached to a brown belt and had to tighten it, thinking I was going to slip away.

I do not how long I went for or how far I went. I did not see him but woke in the dark realizing I had been dreaming and had gone in one very large circle. I sat up and said to myself, “How strange was that? I need to write all that down.” I got out of bed, walked to the bathroom, stared in the mirror and turned on the water. I splashed some water on my face and could not stop thinking about my dream. Was I going to remember all the details when I wrote them down? Why was I having the thoughts I was? Why did I have that dream? I was searching for meaning as I began brushing my teeth.

I heard a voice saying “bye babe”, and felt my body jump. I woke suddenly to the words “sorry” in my ear trying to see in the dark room. I received a kiss and said, “You tore me from a dream”, then turned over. I realized I had been dreaming. I had not woken up like I thought. I had been dreaming the whole time. My body jumping was me returning from my journey. I lay there pondering it all, trying to recollect every detail. I closed my eyes again and began a new dream.

When I woke again looking at the clock, I realized it had been a couple hours. I tried to recollect the details of the last dream without success. I was only seeing the prior, it was much stronger. I got out of bed, took a shower, did my hair, sat down at the computer, and began to write what you have just read.

Forgiving Friend

I love those moments when someone completely unexpected comes back into your life. A long, long time ago I thought I had lost a friend. Over the years in my moments of trying to keep in touch, I thought I had crossed a line and would never hear from them again. The years have passed, time has healed all. I logged onto Facebook and there it was, a Friend Request! I was so excited and grateful. I am so happy to see them with a family and happy. My day has been made!

Life Changing Person

What is it about any one person that can change your life completely? Is it how they look at you, the way they talk to you, the simple way they touch you? Does it take only a small number of hours, weeks, months, or years? Is it the exchange of conversations whether they were spoken, written, or face to face? Can it come in a really long walk or a few short ones? How strange it is to find yourself missing that person after leaving them mere minutes before or not hearing from them since your last correspondence? What do you do when they enter your mind at the least opportune time, when least expected, or at a time when they shouldn’t be at all only to find yourself not able to let the thought of them go? Has this ever happened to you? What did you do about it?

Dreaming of you

I dreamed of you most of the morning. With every open of my eyes to being closed again, there you were in front of me. I would wake to nobody, close them again, and there you were. I must have wanted to hold on. I did not want to let you go. I have been thinking about you a lot lately. With each night I am online, I hope you will speak to me. Why have I been thinking of you? We had nothing. I became nothing to you. In the upcoming months it will be one year since we met. Could that be why you are in my thoughts? Are those memories coming back? Am I hoping they could be again? Will I allow myself to walk down that road again? I would have to say, probably not.

A Small Burning Flame

I sit in the darkness of the classroom with no more light than a small burning candle sitting on the desk in front of me.

A small burning flame resting on the purple stick of string and wax is such a wondrous sight. So many things go on with that little flame, so many places your mind can take you.


A lit candle burns away the string and wax, causing it to get smaller and smaller. When burned away it's unique little shape is now just a cooled puddle of wax with some burned away string. It's such a waste to burn something away that used to be beautiful.


Before it's burned away, my mind travels in many directions. My first thought, as I stared at the flickering yellow flame, was of me sitting in my room on a chair in front of the stereo, lights turned off, dressed in black, thinking while two candles make their light shine through the blackness of the room. The music flows through my ears as I sit and write on paper whatever comes to mind. You may think of this as being strange, but it's proven to be the only way to calm myself down.


I sit staring even longer for inspiration. A second thought, more of a vision, comes to mind. I see myself sitting someplace with that special someone in my life. Whether it's a candlelit dinner or the soft coziness of a warm burning fireplace; to sit and stare at the burning flames, listening to each crackle of wood turning to ash, in the arms of someone near is such a warm feeling. The feeling of safety knowing nothing can go wrong.


My mind begins to wander again, but just before another vision comes the flame is gone, blown out, just before it had the chance to melt away. My mind is clear, and I just go back to reality, but I am not worried because I know my thoughts will come again, Someday!!

Soul

Water brings the body life. Love brings the soul salvation. Thirst may be cured. A dying soul cannot; it needs to be nurtured to keep it strong, to find it's peaceful place to rest when it's journey comes to it's final end.

Life's Surprises

Life brings on many surprises; some we can't quite comprehend. Life seems grand, nothing can go wrong. One day it's all gone. Life can bring happiness also tears of sadness. Does anyone truly know the meaning of life? Is it many things, different for each individual or could it be one single thing? If someone knows I wish they'd tell me. I can't make up my mind about life nor can I understand. So many things I wish I could change, so many different places I've wanted to be. I want to go away, find my inner peace, find what I've been searching for; although I can't figure out exactly what that might be. I want to find happiness in this life I'm leading. Can it be found in something or someone? I can't find it. I feel lost. I've lost my sense of direction. I need help to find it. Will someone come along soon to possibly show me the way? When I think about it, I need to do this for myself, therefore it should be done myself. I'll be fine as long as no one tries to step in my way trying to discover the find. I need to bring my inner peace and discover the happiness I so much deserve and desperately need.

Opening Gates

Open a gate through time, walk inside, discover a genuine object; something you'll probably never again find. Cherish it always, keep it safe. The significance will show through one day.